MICHEL DIEUDONNE

Painting Project:

The Temptations.

As a child, I probably believed in God.

At least, I looked toward the sky, literally. I lay in the grass and watched the clouds pass when the weather was nice, as if they were my thoughts, waiting to see the bright light of the sun.

But this was also an inner attitude.I had one problem: I did not know how to put words on my emotions. And when the grace of love for others touched me, I cried for no reason, but from happiness.

This inner attitude made me a child who was not able to go easily toward others. I was not antisocial, but I did not create bonds.

For me, I only saw Good. I did not see Evil.My father had been a Franciscan until I was six years old. He is neither my official father nor my adoptive father, but he is the one who raised me. I do not even know if he is my biological father.

I knew the prayers. But my father confused me. He was a joker. He moved from atheism to Buddhism, from Judaism to esotericism. Only at the end of his life did he return to Jesus.

Today, I have become a believer again. Honestly, I think it is also out of love for my wife that I made this step.I suffer from obsessive thoughts in daily life.

This forces me to replace these thoughts with the beginnings of prayers, to prevent Evil from settling in my mind.But at night, I am left alone with myself. And then I realize the real existence of something that tries to lead me astray: drugs, violence, adultery — everything is there.

One could almost say that it is only now, from inside my unconscious or semi-conscious mind, that I accept the existence of evil.

As a child, I was afraid of death. Today, it does not scare me at all. It has almost become a friend, a bit like my shadow. You do not fight with your shadow.You can even play with it.

I am interested in the "Temptations" how faith can be kept when one is left alone in an inner desert, filled with spirits, ghosts, and characters that change shape and make you believe they are this person or that person.

So I will try, through painting.

For now, I do not really have a subject. I am only struggling with matter, with shapes, with colors.

This is not an attempt to send a message. It is only an impulse — the impulse to gain some power over the unconscious through painting.

When I was younger, I made a lot of music. I could dream of wonderful symphonies that I composed myself.Today, the instruments are broken. I no longer have access to that bright world of sound.

But I would like to have the strength to shape these images, these forms.I do not want to take the place of God. I do not want to think I am more powerful than I am.

But I would like to have tools with me that are like a prayer — something that protects me and helps me stay connected to reality.

Because for me, there is only One Reality, and that is Love.

It is not abstract. It is concrete.

Only love is truly concrete.

Everything else is illusion.

“Understood by the people who love me.”